Fallen
by Merilsell
Summary: A dark, angsty one-shot, based on the prompt "Ryuuki -An angel with broken wings, fallen to hell" with an twisted, bittersweet "what-if" scenario. Ryuuki/Shuurei-centric, but all but happy.


**A/N: **_I really wonder about my brain these days. It seems to spit out the weirdest, fucked up scenarios when I count least with it. Though having read the Saiun-FF Commu- prompt list again, my eyes glued at the one " __Ryuuki -An angel with broken wings, fallen in hell"__ . So whoever started that prompt, thanks for the brainfuck xD This is my take on it. The outcome is a really twisted, weird and dark what if- scenario. RyuukiXShuurei centric but all but happy. As said twisted, edgy, rough and bittersweet. One shot. Better just ignore it. I´ve warned you. Lol. And yes, I´m a comma idiot, probably a grammar idiot at times as well, so humor me.  
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_**Disclaimer:** I do not own SaiMono, only this story. And let us all pray it will never come to this in the real one._

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**Fallen**

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Shuurei watched blankly how the water in the little creek flowed down, making a purling sound. Ever-flowing and persistent the water passed by, unimpressed by the environment surrounding it. Somehow, Shuurei wished she could be like the water, flowing ever so free. But that was impossible now. She embraced her knees, sinking into a even smaller posture than before. A bitter laugh escaped her lips as she followed that one thought a bit longer. Somehow, she thought, she was already like the water. Sturdy, proud and unwilling to give up. Even in a situation like this.

„You shouldn´t wander off from the group...especially not you, Shuurei"

Before he had spoken, she already felt his presence. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath to suppress the tears coming up. _Crying won´t help him now, crying won´t help anybody now_. Though, on the second thought there was so much worth to cry for.

"Shuurei?" His voice was hoarse, tiny. She felt him slowly approaching. With one last deep breath, she turned around to meet his face. It was dirty with grim and plastered with the blood of the men he killed to survive. To let them all survive a bit longer, but what for? Shuurei didn´t know. His eyes watched hers intently and for a moment Shuurei allowed herself to get drown into those amber eyes. Despite the exhaustion they all felt, his eyes surprisingly had the same gleam like always. After moments of peaceful, precious silence, she closed her eyes to avert them from his. As she opened them again, her gaze fell on his hand and recognized that he still held his sword. It was covered in a red fluid which dripped from the blade to the ground.

_Blood. _

"Again assassins, we killed those three a moment ago. So, we should be safe for the moment. Yet, I wonder how many of them are still hunting us," he said in a harsh tone, narrowing his eyes. Then his voice seemed to soften up, "This is why I don´t want you to be alone here, Shuurei._"_ Ryuuki took a part of his garment to clean the blade before he shed his sword again. He carefully stepped closer to her small figure and squatted down beside her. One hand resting soft on her shoulder, he murmured with a trembling voice "I- I´m sorry. I wished I had exiled you sooner. I didn´t want you to put in such danger. God, how I wished I had seen it come. All of it. But I-I... failed and now you have to suffer for it – " His voice broke to a whimper and he buried his head into the hands to cry.

She softly patted his violently shaking back. "You know that I could never leave you behind, that´s why exiling me would have been senseless..." Shuurei almost laughed out. She was indeed like the water in the creek. Sturdy and unimpressed by the surrounding around her, she continued her way. Continued to believe in him, even as she was one of the last people. Even if it meant to put her life on the line ...she was willing to do that. Only that she could stay at his side like she promised. For Shuurei, Ryuuki was the only king, there wouldn´t be ever another. Although, in reality there was now another king.

"I failed too, Ryuuki. " She bit her lip. "I should have seen through Ou-Ki´s plan´s earlier, m-maybe I- ...we could have saved you. But we were …too late. That is the only thing I regret deeply, not staying at your side now." Shuurei reached out to brush his cheek, her vision became blurry through the tears in her eyes. "For me, Seiran, Ensei, Kouyuu and Shuuei you are the only true emperor, that´s why we decided to remain at your side. I´ll never bow down to that ….man."

Her breath hitched, as the too lively pictures of burning buildings in Kiyou appeared before her eyes. The painful screams of the last remaining soldiers of Ryuuki rang in her ears. They were slaughtered, one after another. Ou-Ki violently took the throne in the end. She never would...could bow down to someone like that. Neither obey to him how they have ordered her. As the Kou princess and the only consort of the old emperor, she would get treated with respect when she would acknowledge Ou-Ki as her new ruler. That was what they told her. Shuurei refused._ "_Rather I´d die", she screamed into their faces. And the new leader seemed to fulfill her that wish, sending one assassin after another after their tiny group. Since three days they were hunted with no end in sight. Since they were able to escape from the palace, from its prison.

Ryuuki laughed bitter "I´m no king, not anymore" He took her hand, which still lasted on his cheek and enclosed it with his own. For a tiny moment he halted and simply enjoyed the warmth which radiated from her palm. "So, you shouldn´t throw your life away for me, like you do it now. I wanted to see you save. I-I...never could stand to see you – " Ryuuki stopped and let his sentence unfinished, sobbing again. Her hand became wet of his tears, yet she left it there. It was a small comfort she allowed herself to feel after those rough days. She knew what he couldn´t say before, knew it too well. The chances to survive and reach the Kou province, her father provided as exile were more than thin. Sure, Seiran and the others were all capable fighter and swordsmen but they were all utterly exhausted. One misstep or fault in the following fight could mean their end. The assassins wouldn´t stop coming, wouldn´t stop hunting them until they have reached their goal. This thought scared her more than she wanted to admit, more she ever could admit to him. So she decided to stay strong now, even if everything inside of her screamed and wanted to break down.

"Shhh, it´s going to be alright. I´m not going to die. No one will." She tried to appease him and carefully wiped with her free hand his tears away. Ryuuki knew that those words were most likely a lie but he appreciated her effort, appreciated the near and warmth of her hands. It provided him an illusion of comfort and peace he wasn´t able to feel since weeks. She wiped his tears...and the blood from his face, the blood from the countless men he had to murder in order to survive. Her tiny hands, ever so soft and gentle, showed him that he didn´t have died deep inside like he thought he had. Ryuuki hesitantly took her hand into his own and planted a little kiss into her palm...and then another. He thought she would pull her hand back but it remained at the same place like before and let it happen. He sat down, closer to her, heedless of the hard, cold ground, he reached out for her face. Shuurei twitched at its first contact, his hands were calloused and dirty but also very gentle. She found comfort in his touch, more than she should. But did it really matter anymore? She thought on the countless times she kept running away from him, how she had grew thorns around her heart that he wasn´t able to steal it. Because it has been impossible for her to love him. He was the emperor, she his loyal imperial official. Though in that moment of his touch she was neither an official, nor was he an emperor anymore.

There were no reasons, no boundaries left right now.

So why should she keep running away? Why should she keep denying the feelings she buried under the facade of conscientiousness ?

Ryuuki drew her closer and she fell into his arms without resistance. She noticed how his breath trembled, still agitated from his mourning and felt how his warmth enclosed her body now. Shuurei closed her eyes and buried her face into his shoulder. _No more running away, no more denying._ Shuurei thought and had enough of it, enough of her denial. She wanted to feel alive, to get lost in the illusion of safeness and comfort in his arms. Even if it was just for a little moment where she could forget about their futile situation. She was on his side and that was all what mattered to her now. She couldn´t abandon him and never would.

_If they would fall, they would fall together._

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_"Kiss me," she aspirated those words nearly audible but he obeyed to them almost immediately. His lips were chapped and rough in contradictory to her soft ones, yet she could feel the bitter sweetness in his kiss. She denied herself for so long to respond to his kisses, to her needs. Though right now, she finally allowed herself to give in, to get drown in the sea of salt his lips tasted like. He clung onto her, despairingly crushed her into his arms as the kiss grew more and more urgent.

"Shuurei, I-I –," he whimpered, as he broke the kiss but was made silent by her palm.

"Hush," she just uttered and replaced her palm with her lips for another kiss. There were no words needed, not anymore. It has been said much, over and over again. Maybe even too much. So much time got wasted with it, time they now didn´t have anymore. She clasped her fingers into the fabric of the kingly attire he still was wearing and pressed her body to his, to feel more of this soothing, delusive comfort he offered. A faint moan escaped his lips during their kiss as he felt the new closeness. He buried his head into her neck and sucked its flesh, hard and needy. A jolt of pain drove through Shuurei but got soon mixed with a thrilling feeling, because despite its aching she was feeling alive. After all these weeks and days, she was finally feeling something beyond despair and hopelessness.

She felt his hands wandering over her body, fickle and trembling with need. The need to touch, to feel her. Shuurei shivered shortly, as he has loosen up the belt of her dress and shove her undergarment aside, to touch that part of her soft skin no man ever touched before. Oh, how he longed for her, how he wished for that all these years. Though it all had a bittersweet undertone, now where he was an emperor without country and even without future. He didn´t know if they would see another day, another sunrise. All what was left for him was Shuurei and his love for her. It wasn´t much, but it was enough to make this unbearable situation easier. Enough for him to move on. Although Ryuuki knew that Shuurei´s decision to stay with him would most likely precipitate her into ruin...and not only her. His heart felt heavy, like a stone in his chest at that thought. So he blocked it out and concentrated on to fondle her sweet skin, to find shelter in her arms for once.

The intensity of his touch let her heart wrench because it shows Shuurei how much he still wanted her. Even after all this time, even now where their future was futile or uncertain at best. She shove those thoughts aside, refused herself to think and let those feelings filling her mind and senses. Her body responded subconscious to his caressing and so she rubbed herself at his hardened crotch, in the need to feel him closer. She was willing to fall with him, even more and deeper than she already has fallen. It all didn´t matter anymore now, all had lost its meaning. All but his love, she finally allowed herself to return.

Even though it was actually too late for it now.

Shuurei swallowed hard at her thought and crawled closer into his arms, embracing him. She rested her head on his shoulders, feeling his trembling breath teasing her bare skin, his kisses on her decollete, her clavicle and breasts. Like a starving man he showered her skin with hasty, coveting kisses. His mouth wandered restlessly over her body and sucked her tender flesh in, raw and fierce in his yearning for her. Shuurei clawed her hands into his back, letting out a moan. All sort of unknown feelings overwhelmed her, making her body feeling somewhat fidgety and yet yearning for more of it. She softly kissed his dampened hair, his temple and the side of his ear until her lips found his again. The kiss grew rapidly to a fervid and almost desperate one, as if they wanted to place many kisses in just that one. After all, there was so little time and still so many emotions left to express for them. While the passionate kiss still lasted, Ryuuki fumbled on his dress to set it loose. Just like her, he wanted to get momentarily lost into the illusion of comfort and ease. Away from all these heavy thoughts, from all the pain, even if it would be just for a few fleeting moments.

Eventually, she pulled away from his lips, breathlessly and aroused from their insatiable kiss. Unsure what to do next, Shuurei ran her fingers through his long hair. Some blond strands of it were tainted red or covered in dust but somehow it still had maintained its softness. She let her fingertips wandering over the fine line of his face, over his cheeks and alongside the lines of his jaw. She felt how he tensed and stopped in his movements, absorbing every precious brush of her tips as it were the last. Only his eyes were never leaving hers, watching her brown orbs intently with a mixture of raw lust and sadness in his eyes. For a tiny moment everything went quiet -almost peaceful- the flowing water in the creek and their ragged breathing were the only sound. Her hand wandered on over the skin of his neck, down to the curves of his muscular shoulder and eventually shove the loosened fabric aside. Ryuuki reacted responsive to her caress, his head fell on her tiny shoulder and he felt himself getting lost in thousands of emotions. The softness of her touch made his heart aching, knowing what he was missing all these years, what could have been.

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Hesitantly, the tips of her fingers brushed over the bare skin of his chest, feeling something rough. Ryuuki winced at its contact in her arms which made her pulling her hand back, confused and appalled. As she lowered her gaze she suddenly understood his pained reaction. Her eyes widened and a heavy lump began to stick in her throat. Under the garment his body was covered with bruises and scratches. The rough part she felt under her hand was a long, relative fresh scratch.

He had been tortured. He had fought. In the last weeks, his life became a sole fight to survive, and every mark on his battered body was witness for that. It was hard for her to see all his wounds, almost unbearable.

Shuurei felt tears coming up to her eyes "Ryu-Ryuuki!" she exclaimed, terrified.

"Shhh," he looked up to her, his eyes gentle and full of love. He took her hand which lasted still on his shoulder and softly kissed it. "It doesn´t matter," he whispered and put her hand onto the left side of his chest, where his heart lied.

"_This_ is all that matters"

Shuurei choked as she felt the steady beating of his heart beneath her hand. The heat of his skin. The unsaid meaning of his sentence. Her breath hitched, those emotions which suddenly crashed over her made it harder to breath. She wanted to stay strong for him, but now she was the one on the verve to cry. It all just became too much. Her body began to shake violently and she fought vainly against the need to breakdown. Heedless of it, Ryuuki took her chin into his slender hand, turned it to him and sealed her lips with his own. She responded immediately to them, and felt her tension slowly fading away. Again it became thousand kisses in one, bittersweet and heartrending. What Shuurei couldn´t say, her lips expressed to him now, so much.

Ryuuki´s hands tangled in her hair as he kissed her; she enclosed her arms around the bare skin of his waist. The bitter mood the kiss first possessed, turned fast into desire again. He tucked her firmly into his arms, ignoring the ache of his bruises and relished in the feeling of being skin to skin with her. It was a promise of comfort, of sweet oblivion only she could offer him. Then his lips broke free from hers, only to drink away the salt of her last tears on her cheeks. Her body was so responsive to his touch, so soft, so alluring. He wanted to get drown, to get lost in her.

He made her lay down onto the rough, dusty ground and the tiny pebbles ached in Shuurei´s back, but to her it was a good pain. She felt alive and free-flowing like the creek beside her. Ryuuki´s hands all over her body, his skin so warm and next to her. She felt loved and coveted.

Ryuuki kissed her again and one kiss became many, easing up the pain of their merging for her. Suddendly it was as if time stopped. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything but feeling him lost its meaning for Shuurei. The weight of his body, the warmth and safety enclosing her. The wild thumping of his heart, she clearly could feel, so close to her. The faster-growing rhythm of his breath and hips. And the feel of his hasty kisses and touches. His longing for her was insatiable, untamed and his need grew bigger with every movement. It almost devoured her and she wanted to. Wanted to get lost in the sea that was _him._ She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her for a fervid kiss. He was an angel fallen to hell, but so was she. Together they went so far, together they now shared a sinful moment of bliss, of sweet oblivion. Far away from all the anguish both had to witness.

It was the last thought of Shuurei before she got washed away on a heavy wave of lust in his arms, and she welcomed the blankness of her mind, unopposed.

Soon their both needs were fulfilled but Ryuuki was unwillingly to let go off her. Reality hit him hard as the euphoria of lust was gone too soon, and his heart felt now even heavier than before. He feared of what would come, of what would happen with them. So he despairingly clung to her and held her possessively into his arms. Ryuuki looked at her, and he verbalized what his body expressed to her only moments earlier.

"I love you, Shuurei." His voice trembled.

" I know," she replied almost inaudible. Then she closed her eyes, averted them from his dolefully expression.

"And ...I- I´m sorry." Ryuuki buried his head on her neck and began to weep. Tears fell from his eyes and didn´t seem to stop coming. Shuurei held him close into her arms, trying to console him. But her heart felt as wrecked as his and so she allowed herself to silently weep with him. She regretted so many, tiny, things now. That she wasted so much precious time running away from him, time she now missed dearly. That she denied her feelings so long, out of fear of getting hurt or being not good enough for him. She should have loved him sooner, give in to him sooner. She could have been happy. Like in those fleeting moments she now have spent with Ryuuki.

But it was too late now.

For a long moment they held each other close, trying to give the other some comfort in all that hopelessness. Shuurei sadly brushed over his hair and broke the silence lying heavily between them. "Let´s go back, Ryuuki. We need to go on. Who knows – , her voice broke and she paused, ...when the next assassins will come..."

The sound of her voice motioned him to look up, and his teary eyes widened in fear as the meaning of her words sank in. Fear to lose her, to see her dying. Subconsciously, Ryuuki took her hand and intertwined it firmly with his own.

Shuurei sensed his concern and tried to kiss it away. Then with a tear-choked voice she said to him "Don´t worry, I won´t leave your side. I never could. If you fall, we will fall together."

It was the last vow she could give to him.

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_**A/N:**__ Hope you enjoyed your punch into the guts. Well I have warned you. XD Hui, it turned out to be most from Shuurei´s POV and more pr0n-like as planned o.O Anyway, its probably not really IC but despair and hopelessness let you do the most unreasonable things. I really wanted to show both beyond all hope and happy end here. Oh, teh draaamaaa :3 Well now that this is done, can someone please place the angst cookies out of my reach? o.O _

_Argh.... xD _


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